i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
