Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
