So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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