I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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