Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
