Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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