i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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