When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
