We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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