I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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