i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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