Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
