we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
