I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
