Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
