we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
