i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
