I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
