$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
