I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
