I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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