Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
