They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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