I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
