Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize