I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
