I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
