girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
