I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
