That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize