I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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