She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
