Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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