I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
