Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize