Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Terrible idea I love it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize