youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
