i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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