You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize