i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Life is so much better after having sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
