U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
