Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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