That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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