I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
