How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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