I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
