i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
