Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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