Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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