Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
