He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize