these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
