$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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