I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
