I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
