Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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