I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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