We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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