I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
