he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
