I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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