my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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