I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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