I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
