i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
