I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
